He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
