All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
