so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
