Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
