Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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