the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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