where am i from again
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
