When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
