apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
