Are we in a gay sports bar?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
