I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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