Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
