I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
did you just send me my own nude
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
