who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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