wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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