Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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