He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
