Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
