how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
