Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
