He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
only if we run a train.
done.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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