i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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