so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
