forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
