***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
