dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
