like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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