we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
