how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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