I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
