Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
