I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
