Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
