she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
