I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
