so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
