sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i drank out of a bidet.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
