JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
