He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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