absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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