If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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