i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
