I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
