I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
