please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
