I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
