How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
