it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
