His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
