we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
