does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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